Note: written in the Before Times.
Jetlag turns me into a mewling Maslow monster. Some times I will arrive in a city and, knowing in the brain meat that stores logic that I should be excited, go out and photograph the sights. I say “photograph” instead of “see,” because I don’t really care about the amazing things in front of me on the first day. Go now, says the internal tourguide from Hell, enjoy later.
Some people aren’t tired. They just have a wicked case of The Not Braining as Expected the first day or two. As long as you manage to find your hotel at the end of the day, don’t worry. Knowing how to apologize to the locals you encounter may even help you make friends. If you manage to remember something in a foreign language along the lines of “Sorry, I have the plane head doesn’t work is morning-night HALP coffee,” picking up caffeinated beverages is much easier. Email is not your friend at this stage. Stay awake the first day, sleep, drink the caffeine you bought during the mandatory fun march, and then communicate with all those lovely people who are in their home time zones, the bastards I mean lovely people you came so far to see. If you don’t power through the first day, you’ll end up watching CNN International, BBC News, and music videos in the middle of the night (Music TeleVision has music overseas. Someone didn’t get the memo). That earworm and the report on modern slavery will totally help you sleep, right? Wrong!
Once you are back home, there are plenty of options for adjusting. Your doctor may have suggestions. Blogs are full of tips. Vegetables! Running! Drugs! http://www.britishairways.com/travel/drsleep/public/en_gb is a handy jet lag calculator that tells you when to set an alarm to eat, nap, and pray to the Gods of Circadia for relief. Of course I do none of these things. Lizard brain no like British web thing! Lizard brain want sleep! Trip report is thing we can eat or sleep on? No? No writing today! No writing tomorrow! Wait!
When I got back from Zanzibar, I entered the burrito cycle. Pass out, wake up hungry, nuke a burrito, pass out and become the burrito, repeat until sane. Accepting this instead of waking up thinking “Damnit, brain, get it together! I need you to churn out words!” is healthier, which is why I went through denial (I passed out for an hour or two on the plane! Totally enough sleep!), anger (Circadian rhythms are §$%&! nonsense in this day and age!), bargaining (Come on, Brain, if we just power through today, tomorrow will be awesome!), and depression (If you’re so clever, frequent flyer, why do you fail?) first.
Upon reflection, I realized that this system has several advantages. Do you really want to go near a stove when you are drunk on exhaustion? Didn’t think so. Sure, you could eat cereal, but milk is perishable (been gone long?) and smells like a zombie movie in Smell-O-Vision if spilled and forgotten. Your friends, family, and neighbors might prefer that you remain in a fabric tortilla until you’re ready for polite company. After all, you just spent 20 + hours trying to sleep in a tiny chair while getting jabbed in the ribs by wandering elbows and might be cranky. Finally, after the aforementioned experience, you deserve to be horizontal until you feel better. Do it.
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